‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the hot zone
Not a zombie was stirring; no rotted flesh nor broken bone.
Our defenses were prepared with zombies in mind
If the undead show up we won’t be kind.
The dog was settled all snug on his bed
With visions of Greenies dancing in his head.
I with my machete and my wife with her axe
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap
Out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I feared zombies were after my grey matter
I went to the window and peered through the glass
While the wife stood watch to cover my ass
The moon on the breast of new fallen snow
Showed St. Nick in his sleigh, a hoard of zombies in tow
We knew right away that Santa was in trouble
So we activated our zombie defense plan on the double
We signaled ol’ Rudolph to head our way
while Santa was shooting from his seat on the sleigh
More rapid than eagles the zombies they came
All of them people St. Nick knew by name
”Johnny and Sally and Billy and Tom!
Eating people’s brains is naughty and wrong!
You’ll get no presents, not even the coal
Instead in your heads I’ll just leave a hole!”
The dry skinned zombies disliked this news.
Not eating brains conflicts with their views
While Rudolph and the reindeer landed the sleigh
We shouted to Santa “Help is on the way!”
My wife grabbed a crossbow just like Darryl Dixon
And felled a zombie that almost got Vixen
Machete in my left hand and hatchet in my right
I began ganking every zombie in sight
With the wife and I holding back the undead
Santa took his bag from the back of the sled
He leaped down the chimney to drop off the gifts
While we had plenty of zombie asses to kick
My wife was gleeful firing her bow
And watching the zombies pile up on the snow
The gifts delivered, St. Nick soon came back
Looking like a ninja with a sword on his back
Lithe as a gymnast St. Nick hopped around
Dozens of zombies falling to the ground
Just as we were feeling proud of ourselves
Arriving on parachutes came an army of elves
They finished off the zombies in very short order
Not a walker remained from border to border
The elves went to work to clean up the mess
They worked hard to keep this battle from the press
The reindeer were safe, the presents secure
We were relieved, of that you can be sure
As Santa got settled in his seat in the sleigh
We were glad that he was about to get underway
He pulled on the reins, getting ready to go
The elves were finished laying down clean snow
Santa addressed us before launching his sleigh
“Merry Christmas to you, and have a zombie free day!!”